I welcome my mortality. It’s scary to share with another Thoughts of the impermanence of life. Perhaps it is too morbid a subject for some And it can really darken another’s mood. Once you hit middle age You begin to realize Half of a lifetime May already have been lived. Maybe one day you notice It takes the body longer to recover than it used to. Like I can’t roller skate as fast as before And my balance is a bit off-kilter. If today was my last day to live How would I want it to go? What would make my final moments Have meaning? Would I feel I’ve lived a well-lived and well-loved life? Or would I deeply feel the shortness of life And the reality that there isn’t enough time To do “all the things;” That there was more in this lifetime for me to experience? Checking things off a list or a life of comparison, wanting what they have even if it doesn’t resonate with you, isn’t the point. Each day I try to embody that life truly is a gift. And I intend to bring that appreciation And gratitude into all my days While I get to roam this earth.
My hands cupped around the warm coffee mug. It is full of aroma And I savor the flavor. My fingers hook gently yet firmly on the handle as I bring it in for a sip. The warm liquid gets swallowed down my throat as I promptly go in for another taste. If I get distracted with conversation, with technology, with making future plans or anything that takes me away from the simple pleasure of drinking fresh coffee, the liquid starts to cool and moment by moment, its flavor gets diminished. The joy and pleasure is fleeting. And it is my intention and attention alone that keeps me centered in the here and now and not in autopilot. The warm flavor recedes like the rip current that calls waves back into the sea. I can still feel the faint warmth of my coffee mug cupped gently in my hands. I do not want to squander one bit of this temporary reprieve of the hustle and bustle of what we call modern life.
Jealousy can be a reminder of what I want my life to look like. How I want to spend my days being creative and comfortable, feeling safe to share my story. Of course, when I view others as having the life I’d like to embody, I’m not seeing the details, the work that it takes to get there. I just see the big picture and I want more of that in my life. Jealousy can be a metaphorical kick in the pants to take action toward my dreams. On the negative, jealousy can make me feel lack and blame that they took what was rightfully mine and I can never get it, or it was the only one and there is no other.
Comparison places others as being better or less than me. We are not equals in this game of life. It’s a game of competition, limited resources and the early worm gets rewarded. Yet, I always come up short or get the timing wrong. On the flipside, comparison can make me feel superior to others. I am better because I earned it and they didn’t. Or I feel guilt and cast shadows of doubt on my rewards in life.
Instead of jealousy and comparison, I’d like to feel prosperous, appreciative and at ease.
Prosperous, to me, is accepting all of the gifts that surround me. It is the innate knowing that I have all that I need. It stops the cycle of lack, blame and shame in its tracks. When I appreciate what I have, I’m better able to access the skills and wisdom that is already inside of me. I’d like to feel confident in my skills and abilities. I’d like to be at ease with my current circumstances and stop the inner and outer struggle to change reality.
Perhaps, if I make a daily intention to feel prosperous, to focus on appreciating what I have and be truly comfortable with myself, I will have the confidence to notice that when jealousy and comparison do crop up again, I have a choice. I can project a positive, optimistic outlook and it will come back to me. There really is enough for everyone. And what I have can never be lost or taken from me. I can genuinely feel happy for someone else’s achievements and I, in turn, am able to accept praise and compliments from others with ease and gratitude. Maybe those I may be jealous of today can be tomorrow’s friend or mentor. Our egos will no longer run the show when we show up with love and authenticity.
The sea glass is a buried treasure washed to and fro. The water ground down its edges and smoothed its shards. But it is an offering. A reminder that it outlived its original purpose and is anew. Was it thoughtlessly discarded or washed away in a blink of an eye? The incoming tide does that sometimes. Washing away my sandals, the bucket and shovel If I lose sight and forget nature's force for just a minute is all it takes. Now this glass is anew. A new purpose. A treasure. It's opaque and thick I can't see through it But I can hold it Move it from hand to hand Tighten and loosen my grip It has traveled and seen depths unknown to me Except in my imagination. I turn inward and out like a labyrinth trail Like the glass washed over with sand until it and I are polished Anew. A clean slate. A new beginning. A new discovery where there are no more limits. That's how I seize today. Carpe Diem and new moon intentions A belief that endless possibilities lie ahead Once I've done the inner work. Outside circumstances may have shifted in parallel time and space But I am steady and still Even if I don't move from this very spot The earth has shifted and traveled unbeknownst to my beating heart and busy mind. I have traveled, seen and loved, and discovered new shapes and stories about myself.