After 15 plus years of wanting to take yoga teacher training, including Kundalini yoga, I have stopped saying “no” to myself. I always thought time and money were a deterrent: I couldn’t go away for a month-long teacher training with a full-time job and small kids. I couldn’t travel an hour plus several weekends a month for a whole year to train. For the last couple of years, I’ve received invitations and advertisements to become a yoga teacher online. Still, the timing, the money, and the online course didn’t feel like the right fit. And, finally I found the right teacher and the right online course. Today is one of those days when you know that your life is about to be forever changed. I am enrolled in a 200-hour YTT online, six-month kundalini training! My main intention as a kundalini yoga teacher is to be an inspiration to others. By being my authentic self, living my life on my own terms, l hope to inspire others on their path. My past kundalini yoga experiences have always made me feel better, even among the challenges. And I want to guide my students to have their own profound healing experiences. All the pieces of my life have clicked into place so I can fully immerse, embrace, embody and experience this training. Best of all, I have the support of my husband. He said when I better myself, the whole family benefits. I’m ready to embark on this life-changing journey!
Where does inspiration come from? It can be a fleeting idea, A word or phrase that lights me up And I want to become the explorer of my own inner terrain. [The Sacred] It happens in solitude And when I’m out in nature. I feel most connected to The wisdom of my heart. Beauty always surrounds me, Even in the mundane and hard times. I just have to be willing And open to see it. When I connect to my heart and breath, I feel I am taking an active role in my life. I’m not getting carried away by the rushing tide of emotions and circumstance. In that moment, the magic happens. I no longer have to struggle. I can literally go with the flow. Again, I return to the explorer within, Who recognizes the difficulty in truly letting go With surrender and vulnerability. There is peace and ultimate freedom To find creative solutions, To take a beat before I react, And to connect to my inner wisdom. How does inspiration and the sacred come to you?
A single candle illuminates the window. The darkened pane dazzles in the light. What is behind the darkness? Ever mysterious and profound. I imagine what lies out of sight. Whose lives dream and weep Behind the darkened window? The truth does not matter. I am inspired for having dreamed a little. The imagined lives outside myself have lit an internal spark. An inspiration of what it means To live. And I reflect on my own full life.
Maybe it’s the ease of access and unlimited offers for free X. “See my PDF” and I get a hit of dopamine. And like a hoarder, I add it to my digital collection to read later. When is later exactly? Links expire. Websites go away and fade into the ether. The information was there. I just didn’t bother. I was too busy or I didn’t have the energy at the moment. The timing wasn’t right. The interest was there and it was promptly filed under “later.”
There are eons of digital folders, filled to the brim on my desktop and email. Yes, I may be downsizing my physical clutter. But there sure is a lot of digital clutter. I have three or four full thumb drives just hanging on a tack on the corkboard. My Google Drive free space is completely filled and I’m considering paying money for the extra storage space. I do have a Seagate external drive that is only a quarter full, but I don’t trust its longevity. And this morning my iPhone noted that I was out of space to shoot a video or download an app.
Tasks put off to “later”
Do I have the time to actually access and assess those files? Are they named accurately so I can find them when inspiration finally hits? I have Ebooks, countless PDFs, meditation and audio files, and even some MP4 videos “just in case” the internet goes down or the website goes away.
I’ve learned enough not to count on the website being in fortitude. Sites cost money to keep and maintain. Who wants a blogpost from 2010 with working links? Who cares? Is it relevant anymore or to anyone? So I get it.
2010 was an integral time for me. I was in my early 30s. I was figuring stuff out and what worked for me. And somehow what I put off for “later” is now being revisited almost a decade later now. I remember digital programs that I took and printed in full color, and memories of audios I never listened to.
Where did they all go? Does it matter? The lessons are still swimming around and taking up my headspace. So I guess if it matters to me, it counts. And I’m sure as hell that others are wandering around the digital realm too wondering where did it go?
Perhaps it’s the lack of the physical, tangible that drives my need to digitally hoard. A backup is my safety net. It’s there when I’m ready like a book patiently waiting on the shelf until its title just seems to leap across the room and enter my vision. It becomes real, possible, important and interesting, worth my time and energy to look into.
I guess that’s what all information really is. Energetically waiting to be discovered, observed, tried on, experimented, digested, alchemized and transformed with our own meaning behind it. Finally making it ours to integrate, to share, to evolve, to be.