What is a name?
Connection

What is a name?

Healing Insights with JenLeave a comment

A name gives us identity.
We can stake a claim
like life itself, it’s ours:
to make, to learn and grow,
to make mistakes

I am a Jen.
It represents my name
in a particular time and place:
The 70s.

Those were quite uncertain times
of war and trauma
and the broken promises
of the American dream.

We all have a choice
even our name

In the end, we are not fixed
like a heavy boulder that sits
and waits to be reclaimed into the earth

We are mineral and bone and flesh.
We breathe and remember that this,
this is us

Mutable like the waters
that can make the biggest stone crack.
We all have that power within

Fifty
Connection

Fifty

Healing Insights with JenLeave a comment

The book of my life
was written
and handed to me
on the day I was born

Before I knew what
language was
The story was laid before me

As I was put into
my mother’s loving,
welcoming arms
The world began anew

The days and seasons
spun and turned
without me even knowing
of their existence

“We are here for you”

Legs became stronger
First steps and fumbles
The first of many practices

I opened the door
and nature greeted me
with open arms and
a belonging

To know I was where
I was meant to be
I laid down on the grass
My senses alive

Before I could even
open the book
of my life
I was free

Last Azalea
Connection

Last Azalea

Healing Insights with JenLeave a comment

My last blooming azalea flower holds firm,
not ready to let go.
With every bee and hummingbird
– a visitor –
who only can return
when skies turn blue and warm sun shines
I must wait for the wheel to turn

Sometimes
Connection

Sometimes

Healing Insights with JenLeave a comment

Sometimes I can block out
the noise, fodder and distraction
and hear that inner voice

who tries to say her lot
always calm and gently
It often disappears under the rumble.

Her voice is rooted in love
and always looking out for my wellbeing

when I stop ruminating, interrupting,
habitually filling the awkward silence,
I free the inner me

out of the cage of silence and past hurt
out of the chamber of iron and thorns
to express utter knowing and passion

when did being authentic become so scandalous?

Where do I find the sacred?
Connection

Where do I find the sacred?

Healing Insights with JenLeave a comment 
In the vast big sky 
the clouds march above 
morphing, growing, stretching 
apart at the seams, 
and somehow able to defy gravity

The butterfly flits; 
the busy bee visits with flowers 
cuddles, coils, an intercourse 
in its own merging

The bird soars high above 
amongst the clouds 
envision and flight 
something I can never grasp as my own

So instead, I can appreciate

We are not all that different: 
the trees with their ever-changing leaves; 
the moon’s predictable phases; 
the ocean waves ebb and flow

Each day I find the sacred 
on the earth and in the sky 
I take it all in, and end it all with a sigh
Can I be okay with the silence?
Connection

Can I be okay with the silence?

Healing Insights with JenLeave a comment 
I see everyone around me on their phone 
even in the water, they wear it around their neck 
like a noose or a dog leash 

I don’t know 
but I don’t want to live attached to some appendage 
and when it is gone you feel a loss 

you don’t know how to fill in the moments, 
the awkward silence 
a stranger to your own mind 

Inundated with opinions, media, news 
It’s hard to separate the independent voice from the noise
Is there any original thought or has there never been? 

We document our moments 
Hosts of our own lives 
oversharing and blaring 
adding more to the stream of information

I want a reprieve 
a break in the noise 
to be okay in the void that remains

Then I get to decide what to put there: 
a comfortable armchair, pillows, 
a small table for cookies and tea 
a blanket and nook for my book

Here I have room to breathe 

we are wireless beings, 
not meant to be tethered 

we have freedom in the space that remains 
to explore, to listen

We don’t have to post and add to find meaning 

the chaos and noise will always be there 
when we pick up our device

I am the conductor of my life 
and today I choose the breeze, 
the sunshine, even when it is smoky 

I do not have to escape from the present moment 
there is nowhere to go 
Just here and now is all we got

I am grateful for this breath, 
this strong heart that loves and holds
A freedom beats in my chest

My inner light
Connection

My inner light

Healing Insights with JenLeave a comment 
My inner light cannot be contained 
in just skin and bone. 

There is a ball of energy 
all around us and beyond us.

Even the tree has its feather tendrils of light 
that sprinkle down and dig deep into the earth.

We share this glorious sky and bright sun. 
Though we are at mercy to mother nature’s fury and grace. 

Out of nowhere the lightning cracks open the tree. 
Did it deserve it? Was it at the wrong place, wrong time?
 
There is no reasonable, acceptable explanation. 
We get knocked off-kilter, off-center

I touch the earth and I am held 

if only just for this moment 
and the next. It is enough.

Mistakes
Connection

Mistakes

Healing Insights with JenLeave a comment 
We ruminate a play-by-play of the event 
unable to change the outcome 
it is suffering by our own hand 

we inflict the pain and punishment

Eventually it gets replaced by the next mistake. 
That one takes center stage, 
replaying the part that can never change

Why do we do this to ourselves? 

I believe the mind wants to turn the events over 
and over searching to find the solution 
so we don’t keep making the same mistake.

I am learning to change the script. 

Mistakes make me human. 
They help me to grow and evolve. 
The experiences shape who I am at its core 

I don’t want to avoid, ridicule or shame myself 
for the past. 

Now when I make a mistake, 
I gently say, “Aren’t you incredibly human?”
 
This is the love and acceptance that we long for 

And it was here all along. 
I am grateful for the lessons learned.