abundance

The Cycle of Lack

The Cycle of Lack
was a huge discovery
and life lesson for me.
It was the end of 2017
And it was the start of
My growth and 
Feeling mastery in my maturity.

I was no longer to blame
or at fault for my sense of lack.

Is it outside voices, ideals, projected lives
Or circumstance that
Makes me feel unfulfilled?
Always grasping for more
Feeling left out, left behind
Feeling like I'm missing out
And everyone else has their shit together?

The grass is always greener over there
And I’m stuck over here.
It can feel hopeless.
I may feel helpless and stuck.
It’s hard to find motivation
Let alone the momentum
Required to create
Positive change.

When I take a breath,
I can step outside of the
Hamster wheel of
Hurry and challenge
And create space,
A pause to examine
The reverie of lack
And ask: 
What would be enough?

What am I craving
In this moment?
Is it love, companionship or
Connection?
Am I lonely?

Do I crave alone time
Or solitude?
Do I feel like I’m being pulled
In a million directions?

Can I be kind to myself
And notice one good thing
That is going right?

I created the cycle of lack in 2017,
But it took four years to
Find my way out of the center
and learn that
The magic of reframing lack
to one of appreciation
Can break the cycle.

Will those thoughts creep up again?
Of course.
Life is full of its ups and downs.
It may feel like there’s shortages
In supply and energy.
I know I can rest.
And I can feel gratitude 
In what is enough
Just right now
Is all I need to break the cycle.
abundance

This house

This house of ours
It is with love
that we share 
the memories,
the appliances and
the furniture.

We invite our hearts
arms open wide.
I am yours
and you are mine.

The furniture may change
through the years,
Along with the appliances
and technology.
The love is constant
like the walls that
shield us from
the storms.

When I am with you,
I know true acceptance.
There is no place 
for shame or blame
of past circumstance.
All are welcome to
embody this place.

The walls may hold
all the memories:
the proposal,
the wedding,
and contain
our growing family
as our hearts swell
in this shared space.

It may feel small at times.
When we feel there’s an
overabundance of toys
and gadgets.
There just doesn’t seem
to be any free space
to just be.

It is a manifestation of
our abundant love and
ability to provide our
children with 
cherished memories,
A foundation of
that security,
A love they can carry
with them 
into their own
future houses.
abundance

Colorless

The stretch of grass
Once lush and green
is now stunted
and colorless.

Another bright summer
has past and the
Bountiful harvest
has been plucked out.
The earth’s gifts
enjoyed by both
young and old.
Their mouths
hungrily gobbled up
the bounty.
And now the ground
is bare, colorless
Still with no life.

In spring the
new sprout shows there is
No death, no end
Just a new beginning.
An opportunity to embark
On a journey of inner knowing,
Inner peace, inner stillness.
Uttering hints at what may come to be.

Inspired by Walt Whitman “A Child Said, What is the Grass?”
abundance

Open the window to love

When I open the window to love,
I let in more than just
fresh air or a better view.
There is love in the air.

A love of autumn
Bright, true colors shine through
Surrounded by the abundance of harvest.
Juicy apples and round pumpkins
to delight with flavor and
possibility.

The aromas, the sights, the sounds
of squirrels skittering and kicking
up brush, a treasure in its mouth.
It is survival instinct
to save for a cold winter's day.

I take a mental note and
decide to write what I'm grateful for
to reread for myself on a hard, cold day.

The harvest full moon rose last night
and I watched it take its usual
path across the night's sky.
In my mind's eye, 
I am looking at its face
as it kisses me across the cheek.

Such wisdom and stories it holds.

abundance

How does jealousy and comparison serve me?

Jealousy can be a reminder of what I want my life to look like. How I want to spend my days being creative and comfortable, feeling safe to share my story. Of course, when I view others as having the life I’d like to embody, I’m not seeing the details, the work that it takes to get there. I just see the big picture and I want more of that in my life. Jealousy can be a metaphorical kick in the pants to take action toward my dreams. On the negative, jealousy can make me feel lack and blame that they took what was rightfully mine and I can never get it, or it was the only one and there is no other.

Comparison places others as being better or less than me. We are not equals in this game of life. It’s a game of competition, limited resources and the early worm gets rewarded. Yet, I always come up short or get the timing wrong. On the flipside, comparison can make me feel superior to others. I am better because I earned it and they didn’t. Or I feel guilt and cast shadows of doubt on my rewards in life.

Instead of jealousy and comparison, I’d like to feel prosperous, appreciative and at ease.

Prosperous, to me, is accepting all of the gifts that surround me. It is the innate knowing that I have all that I need. It stops the cycle of lack, blame and shame in its tracks. When I appreciate what I have, I’m better able to access the skills and wisdom that is already inside of me. I’d like to feel confident in my skills and abilities. I’d like to be at ease with my current circumstances and stop the inner and outer struggle to change reality.

Perhaps, if I make a daily intention to feel prosperous, to focus on appreciating what I have and be truly comfortable with myself, I will have the confidence to notice that when jealousy and comparison do crop up again, I have a choice. I can project a positive, optimistic outlook and it will come back to me. There really is enough for everyone. And what I have can never be lost or taken from me. I can genuinely feel happy for someone else’s achievements and I, in turn, am able to accept praise and compliments from others with ease and gratitude. Maybe those I may be jealous of today can be tomorrow’s friend or mentor. Our egos will no longer run the show when we show up with love and authenticity.

abundance

The sea glass

The sea glass is a buried treasure
washed to and fro.
The water ground down its 
edges and smoothed
its shards.

But it is an offering.
A reminder
that it outlived its 
original purpose and is anew.

Was it thoughtlessly discarded
or washed away in a 
blink of an eye?
The incoming tide does that
sometimes.
Washing away my sandals,
the bucket and shovel
If I lose sight and forget
nature's force 
for just a minute 
is all it takes.

Now this glass is anew.
A new purpose.
A treasure.

It's opaque and thick
I can't see through it
But I can hold it
Move it from hand to hand
Tighten and loosen my grip

It has traveled and seen
depths unknown to me
Except in my imagination.

I turn inward and out
like a labyrinth trail
Like the glass washed over
with sand until it
and I are polished
Anew.  A clean slate.
A new beginning.  A new
discovery where there are
no more limits.

That's how I seize today.
Carpe Diem and new moon intentions
A belief that endless possibilities lie ahead
Once I've done the inner work.
Outside circumstances
may have shifted in parallel time and space
But I am steady and still

Even if I don't move from this very spot
The earth has shifted and traveled
unbeknownst to my beating heart and
busy mind.  I have traveled, 
seen and loved, 
and discovered new shapes 
and stories about myself.

abundance

What is abundance?

This morning after my yoga and meditation, I journaled on what abundance means to me.  It's the opposite of lack.  It's a belief in myself that I have everything I need, including the answers that I seek.  I'm taking an active role over the direction of my life.  It's more than goal setting and self-improvement.  It's a way of living a full, well-loved, well-lived life.  It's the trust and belief that it's all working for the highest good.  And abundance makes me feel safe, empowered and confident that what I intend will become my reality.

I'm currently in the Art of Abundance 31-day challenge with Yoga with Kassandra.  We set our affirmation and intention at the new moon.  This month the new moon is in Virgo, which happened on Labor Day, Monday, September 6.  It's been a very busy time at work and I'm trying to avoid burnout.  So with this in mind, my affirmation for the 31-day challenge is:  I believe in myself and my capabilities.  My intention is:  It's all getting done day by day when I set boundaries that protect my time.

I've done affirmation meditations in the past and new moon intentions.  What's great about this challenge is the repetitive nature and daily reminders of my affirmation and intention.  Time often seems to tick away with to-do's, work, chores, unexpected situations, you name it. And in those hectic days, it's easy to forget and lose sight of my current dreams and goals.

So this is my focus for this lunar cycle.  

What does abundance mean to you?  
Have you felt abundant before and what did it feel like?
Do you believe you deserve to embody the feeling of abundance?