self-care

Maybe

Maybe I should have stayed in the meditation longer.
My stomach rises quickly 
snapping against my snug dress pants
as I breathe breath of fire.
I pause and take a break.

I look for the EASE.
I try to be gentle.
Maybe today is not my day
And that is okay.

Can I forgive myself 
For not being “great,”
For losing my momentum,
For my perceived act of giving up?

I can breathe
And offer myself the grace
I long to hear.
That it is okay.

Today is as it’s meant to be.
The mundane, gray days
Make the inspired days
Sparkle with brightness.

Can I find my inner light here too?

We can’t do everything.
One person’s mold or tools
Are not a one-size-fit-all.
And even though I know this to be true,
I find myself at 45
Adjusting and rearranging
To make it work for me
Unapologetically.

That is enough.
I show up and
Create my days to
Conform to me
And not compare
or judge myself.
I let myself off the hook
And that is enough.

self-care

UPLIFTED

The world is in dire need
For positivity.
Not to sugarcoat reality
Or spiritually bypass the lessons
Inherent therein.

But we all need to feel uplifted
So we have the inner resources to
Create the change,
Create the world 
We want to live in,
To play an active role
And not that of the innocent bystander
Or victim of circumstance.

We matter
And we are enough
Exactly as we are.
If we show up for ourselves,
Prioritize our own wellbeing,
We lift each other up too.
self-care

What’s good?

“What’s the good word?” Anthony, my coworker, asked. I paused a beat. Took a breath and thought: what is good right now; right at this moment?

“The sun is out today,“ I said casually. It had been a rainy stretch of days.

“There you go! I knew you had something good to say instead of the grumpy replies I usually get: same shit different day.“

We then talked about framing our perceptions and choosing. Do we choose to see the positive or the negative?

When we’re caught up in the negative chatter, it can feel hopeless. Like we don’t really have a choice. Life is just happening to us and all around us. And we’re just helplessly bouncing around at whatever life throws at us.

It can be hard to change that framework when you’re in the depths of a hurried life, feeling unfulfilled, and sensing lack at every facet of life. Hearing and seeing it as true and never asking if this is all there really is? Is there really not enough?

Scarcity abounds when the media is filled with images depicting lack.

“The world is on fire,“ Jeff said to me in the evening right before bed.

Is it really?

This year the Colorado River and Hoover Dam is dangerously low. Lack of water. Drought. Too many people tapping into a limited resource. Last year California was literally on fire with the great evergreens near Yosemite ignited and raging.

How do we put out the fire? Why is it either raging or empty? Where is the middle? The balance? It must be here somewhere.

In the end, it all comes back to perception. How will I perceive today?

Today I choose to see abundance as my creative words flow. I appreciate my breath, my A/C during this heat wave, my loves enjoying their summer. There’s enough to go to summer camp and take our vacation.

If we look for the good: What can I appreciate now? What is lovely and beautiful? What is the meaning and lesson without being bogged down with the nitty-gritty cycle of scarcity and lack?

I can see potential. Problem-solving becomes easier. And I don’t feel so alone in my suffering or joy.