Connection

“There is Nothing Wrong with You.”

Maybe it was the title of the book
that caught my eye on that fateful day
in the College Hill bookstore.
Or maybe it was all that pent up teenage angst.
The contradictory belief that I was
The quiet and good girl.
I was helpful and nice
But a mental punching bag for bad boys
And my big brother blaming
My very existence for
Ruining his life.

I was an innocent
But carried so much blame and shame.
Too much for my 17-year old self to handle.
That book opened a doorway
And I felt the words jump off the page
Viscerally into my ears, mind, and heart.
And I could finally breathe.

Uninhibited, unrestricted
I was accustomed to hiding the cries
And sharp sips of air from sobbing.
I was trying to intuitively calm myself
But not finding the support or space to calm down.
I was made to feel weird and awkward
For my self-soothing efforts.

I felt at peace for the very first time.
Comfortable with my steadiness of breath and mind.
This was my very first time practicing meditation
with just this book by Cheri Huber as my guide.

Oh, how I craved that feeling.
It was an incredible high,
I was filled with love and acceptance
of who I was on that very day.

Looking back, the framework of a
Mindful practice had come into focus.
I was empowered,
Elated that inner peace was truly possible.

My meditation practice has evolved since then.
I typically listen to guided meditations these days.
I have new teachers that I follow:
Sharon Salzberg, Hunter Clarke-Fields, Kris Carr
to name a few.

But it all started with that one book
that has brought me to new heights.
Clarity, insight, calm and peace 
are always within my grasp
And I am forever grateful.

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