shared stories

Jealousy

As I started this blog topic today,
I noticed lousy is in the word jealousy
And the final feeling
when all the rage, anger,
blame, guilt and shame
has settled down,
the end result is
I always feel lousy.

Can jealousy be my teacher
or at least serve as a guidepost
that a boundary perhaps
is being crossed?

Other times jealousy arises from
the actions perceived or real
by a stranger, someone unknown,
and it’s not personal.
But I feel recoiled, wounded and protective.
It opens up old scars that
I thought I’ve gotten over,
long healed and moved on.

Today, I got to work a little late
so my usual parking spot was taken.
It’s not mine. I don’t have a claim,
a sign, a right even to that parking spot. 
It’s just convenient.
I could always park one level up
and be on the same spot.
It’s all perspective,
claiming ownership over something
that isn’t mine.

Today it was a reminder of impermanence and 
the inevitable change that must occur.
And again suffering is optional
and at my own making.
I can leave feeling lousy.
And instead of starting my day on the positive, 
I’m feeling thrown off kilter, 
uncertain and grumpy.

When was the last time you felt jealous?

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